They say that any question in a title can be answered with a no. In this case, that is true but it doesn’t have to be. I’ve read multiple times that a persons spending habits are not directly related to their current financial situation. It has more to do with their outlook and view of money. Savers will almost always save, and over-spenders will almost always overspend.

I’m trying to change my habits, but I have a great many fears getting in the way. I deal with those fears like most rational people deal with them — I try to resolve them. While my approach may be unconventional, the results should work in a few years.

Lets start with my driving list of fears.

  • I’m afraid of being financially insolvent again.
  • I fear being in a situation where I’m begging for help, and still literally hungry.
  • I’m afraid I can’t take care of Athena in the future.
  • I’m afraid I won’t have the mental energy to keep pressing on.
  • I’m afraid with regards to the economy, the fit will hit the shan.

Being afraid of something isn’t bad.

Having a fear isn’t normal, but like I said I’ve dealt with it in unconventional ways. My goal is to be as self sufficient no matter where I am with the materials I can possess or move with me to make the best economical decisions I have left to me at that time.

In other words. I’m going to keep living in the van because it makes me feel safe and secure. Like if I needed to move at a moments notice for a different job I could. If I needed to move because something happened I can. I’ve made this decision after considering the happiness I’ve had with my life over the last couple of years since I’ve been living in the van. Things just seem to keep getting better and better. I’m starting to feel safer and safer. Financially, and with my way of life.

It is very unlikely that I will loose luxuries in the process. All of the luxuries I rely on and enjoy I have or will build in. Yes it is expensive, but the peace of mind is awesome. This leads me to my main complaint for today. I’m broke, and I plan on buying another battery pack.

Due to some medical fun, and the resulting expenses… I’m running on empty. I still want to double my battery pack though. Friday I’m ordering another set of batteries. I should then have enough to run me through all day and night with my AC on 79 or 80 in Florida.

I know the next 3 weeks or so are going to be terrible. The only thing left to take the hit is my food budget. That may not be enough. Hopefully I get lucky and sell something I don’t need. In the event that I don’t it is very likely that I see if I can just stay parked at work for several days.

I’m that low on funds, that I’m not sure I can afford the $15-$20 in fuel I spend during the weekday. Much less my weekend trips to see friends/family.

My anxiety levels are at such an all time high, but the long term result should be that I have more peace of mind. Only time will tell.

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